When I saw the text that BORTAC Border Patrol agent Efren Lopez Cornejo had been sentenced by Pima County Superior Court Judge Casey McGinley to life probation with no requirement to ever register as a sex offender after pleading guilty to only two of the fourteen counts of child molestation of his own daughters for years, I had no words. The writer of the book that outed the rape culture of the Border Patrol nearly three years ago, had no words. The ex-agent who uses her own trauma to try and educate and create awareness around the subject, was silent.
I've seen countless agents get away with sexual assault, but never seen one get away with pedophilia. Never heard of an agent who pleads guilty to such crimes be able to just walk out of the courtroom and back into society with simple probation. Certainly not with both victims coming forward; victims who did not know the other was also his sex toy when their mothers were not around. Two different relationships with two mothers, and both their daughters were molested by him; one a step daughter, the other his own.
Probation for life. Thank you, have a nice day.
On days like this, I just give in. Within a few hours of hearing this news, I would be swirling in drain of PTSD and anger. There is no point in trying to fight it. I have learned to expect the fight or flight feeling, and know to remind myself I need time to process it.
So, I headed to the deli for a sandwhich. It's no secret that food helps me cope. The weight battle started after five years in that agency when my green armor began to crack and I could no longer ignore the corruption and immorality of its management. Today the memories of my own hazing rape into the agency by a fellow agent at the Border Patrol academy would invade my thoughts. Those mental walls I'd built to hide it all do not exist anymore, and the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts of self harm flow easily in times like these. I handle those with marijuana.
I was stopped at a stop light when I noticed her. She was perhaps all of five years old, holding her mother's hand as they walked on the sidewalk. Her blue princess dress caught my eye. There is something wonderful about parents who let their child be whatever they would like to be. If they want to wear a princess dress on a walk, then they can. Why not? Life is too short. What does it hurt to let the child enjoy such innocence until they no longer can? When I see girls like this, they are always happy. Often they are dancing through stores, skipping down sidewalks, noticing the things around them. And I think to myself, this child is not yet broken. She is allowed to be who she wants to be, does not have fear, does not experience shame for just being.
As the light turned and I drove away, I wondered how long it would be until some boy or man came along and took this from her. Would it be a man in her family? A grandpa? Dad? Would it be a teacher? Preschool? Coach on her softball team? Maybe it will be a boyfriend who claims it's consensual. A husband who says it's his right and her obligation. Perhaps a dentist or doctor when she is incapacitated, or her priest or spiritual leader when she is in need of guidance. It could be the cop who responds to her calls for help.
We are all that little girl in the blue dress, until we aren't.
Without a doubt, at some point in this child's life she will have to learn that she does not have bodily automony. Her body belongs to the boys and men who want it. The Supreme Court has assured us that much. Our congress refuses to address or even allow studies of the epidemic of sexual violence. The police don't believe us. The attorneys accuse of encouraging it. Every case is a one-off. Every offender afforded the benefit of the doubt because the system was designed by and for men who are responsible for ninety-nine percent of sexual assaults.
And when that happens, because undoubtably it will, she will internalize the violence done to her. She will develop shame and question her own actions. She will want to tell someone, and it is quite likely no one will believe her. Self doubts about her own character and value will grow. Isolation and fear become the norm as her life is forever changed. The self esteem dive and constant flashbacks from the trauma will derail her goals, her dreams, her hopes. And should she seek justice, a judge will feel sorry for her predator and give him a break because legally speaking, her body is not equal or more valuable than his needs. She will be told to just get over it.
She will no longer be able to dance in that blue princess dress, but Efren Lopez Cornejo will be able to sexually assault nine year old girls in blue dresses again thanks to Judge McGinley.